Three C’s and 30 Years

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Jill and I were married on a snowy, icy day in Dallas 30 years ago today. I’d like to share the secret of a mostly happy and going strong marriage from our perspective – the 3 C’s.

The first C is:

Communication

I don’t mean talking and I don’t mean trying. I mean in-depth, soul baring, transparent communication. No marriage can survive without it because it is the only possible way to not drift apart.

The person you are when you marry is NOT the same person you will be at 10 years or 20 years or any other years and the same is true of your spouse. Communication is the way to ensure you make the journey through all these changes together.

And it will be hard.

Which leads us to the second C:

Covenant

Many of you know the last five years have been very tough for us financially. We have had many, many discussions, fights, struggles and arguments as we’ve tried to make sense of it all and survive the ups and downs. We’ve also transitioned from having kids to solid young adults and that is an adjustment as well.

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It has been hard and we’ve communicated…loudly.

In fact just last week we had an argument over what to do with a financial blessings. That may seem odd but one of us is practical, the other whimsical. Want vs. need. Debt vs. fun. Right vs. right and wrong vs. wrong. We’re still figuring that out.

But what’s really going on is growth – both personally and as a couple. This is what’s ALWAYS going on as God continues to form and mold us.

And this could never happen if we weren’t 100% secure in the knowledge that we are married for life.

Which leads us to the third C:

Communication

Yeah I know, it’s the same as number one but it’s not.

It’s not the same because now we can build on the solid foundation of covenant and REALLY have in-depth, soul baring, transparent communication. I’m talking about, “honey, I need to tell you something I’ve never told anyone” and, “I’m struggling with feelings for someone else,” and “if we don’t fix this between us, I’m considering leaving” and other shocking things that are real life.

And that’s the point, marriage is real life. It is not storybook or happily ever after. It is the ebb and flow of feelings, money, like mindedness, work, joy, pain, suffering, elation and all the other things of…well, real life.

It is a journey that must be made hand in hand while in conversation about everything.

Happy Anniversary to my adventuring companion of 30 years and blessings to you all.

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